


Waiting is the Hardest Part

by iamdkscully



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10589997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamdkscully/pseuds/iamdkscully
Summary: At first he just stood there, staring at her, watching as she took each breath, slowly trying to convince himself that this was good. She was alive, she was breathing, she’d wake up and everything would be okay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This story takes place immediately after the Season 10 episode Line in the Sand. 
> 
> My medical knowledge is limited and I relied on Google to verify it. There was a question as to whether Sam could remain in the Air Force with the injuries I’ve described and as best as I could research, her injuries would not disqualify her from service.

  
[](http://s1364.photobucket.com/user/iamdkscully/media/Coverart_zpsoxccigix.jpg.html)  
  


His office phone had been ringing non-stop all morning. Mainly because he’d turned off his cell knowing that the kind of schedule he was facing today was killer and he wanted to get through it as quickly as possible. To her credit, his assistant had taken everything in stride, trying to calm the increasingly frantic voices that had been trying to get through to the General over the last hour or so. She’d been under orders not to let any calls through, but when the director of the SGC ordered her to do so, she interrupted the General’s current call with great urgency. Jack O’Neill apologized to the voice on the other end of his phone and ended the conversation by telling them he had an emergency to tend to. He paused before he picked up the phone again because he knew that Hank Landry would not have had him interrupted without a damn good reason.

“Jack.”

“Hank. My assistant knew not to bother me today so I’m guessing this isn’t a social call.”

He heard the heavy sigh of the man on the other end of the line. “Jack, there was an incident on P9C-882.”

He felt his heart stop. “Carter?”

“She’s alive.”

She’s alive. He clutched the phone tight in his hand and repeated it to himself again. She’s alive.

He exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and cleared his throat. His voice still rough as he asked, “What happened?”

“Apparently the connection between the generators and Merlin’s device failed. Some kind of failsafe was triggered that shut down the transfer field. The Ori showed up in the meantime and while trying to fix the problem, Colonel Carter took a staff blast to the abdomen.” He heard Jack’s intake of breath and quickly continued. “Thankfully Mitchell’s had training as a field medic. I won’t lie to you, Jack. It was touch and go when they got her back here, but she’s out of surgery and Carolyn thinks she’s out of the woods.”

“Okay.”

Hank heard the disbelief in his old friend’s voice and knew that Jack wouldn’t believe what he said until he’d had a chance to see Sam first hand. He tried to reassure him anyway. “Jack, she’s going to be fine, really.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Hank. I...I, uh, appreciate the call.”

He put the phone back in its cradle and let his head drop into his hands. He hated that he hadn’t been there for her. He’d spent half of the time he’d been in Washington beating himself up over leaving his team behind and he despised himself over the fact that instead of being there to watch their backs, he was an Earthbound bureaucrat, watching the bottom line instead.

Why did I ever let George talk me into this? He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He’d almost lost her, again. “Dammit, Carter.” He picked the phone back up and buzzed his assistant. “Lieutenant, I need you to clear my schedule for the next couple of days and I need a flight to Peterson. I’ll be at Andrews in an hour.”

His assistant was very good. His car had been waiting outside when he emerged from the building half an hour later having wrapped up all loose ends and his plane was ready for take off when his car pulled onto the tarmac at Andrews another 30 minutes later. The pilot was even better, somehow cutting their time in the air so that by the time they landed in the Springs, just over five hours had passed since he’d received Hank’s phone call.

His entire flight and the ride to Cheyenne Mountain were spent with thoughts ping-ponging between his anger at the IOA for forcing Sam to do something she knew she wasn’t ready to do and praying to a God he wasn’t sure he still believed in that like Hank said, she was going to be okay.

As the car parked and he headed to the first checkpoint, he began wishing that he had changed out of his uniform before leaving D.C. His own comfort had not been at the forefront of his mind, and although he was accustomed to more formal dress while travelling, as he descended into the mountain amongst the salutes and “Sirs,” his desire to see Sam began overriding his ability to maintain decorum. He wished for the anonymity of a pair of BDUs despite the fact that the whole base probably knew by now why he was here. Anyone who knew Carter knew that Jack would be coming to her side. Over the years, many had speculated about the depths of his feelings for his second in command. But no one had dared broach the subject directly, not even Daniel and Teal’c who had been through their struggle alongside them, always hoping as they hurdled obstacle after obstacle, that Sam and Jack would find the happiness they both deserved despite the constraints put on them by the military.

Years ago, he and Sam had been forced to confess their true feelings only to bury them deep and in the best interest of all involved, lock the door to a room he thought would never again see the light of day. Oh, there were times when the door cracked open and their true feelings burst to the surface … when Sam was overtaken by an energy-based entity and he had to kill her to stop it from taking over the base; when he was stranded with Maybourne on a forgotten moon and she couldn’t figure out how to get him home; when Sam had been hunted by a supersoldier hell bent on killing her for the technology she’d created to destroy it; when Jack’s consciousness was overwritten by Ancient knowledge, again, and he’d had to be frozen in suspended animation … through all of these things, they’d both tried to ignore what was happening inside their hearts so that they could continue saving the world. Their promotions and his command of the SGC had only made things more complicated in the end, but with Jacob’s death and ending her engagement, Sam made a move that changed everything for them. She accepted the position as the Head of the Stargate Research and Development Program at Area 51. And when the transfer was finalized, General Hammond made sure that they were free of the burden of the chain of command once and for all by making it so that she no longer reported directly to Jack.

When they had both had several weeks between the end of their responsibilities at the SGC and the start of their new jobs, they’d made the most of it. They’d visited D.C. and she helped Jack move into his brownstone, they’d checked out housing in Nevada for Sam, and during a trip to California to visit Mark Carter and his family, Jack pulled him aside one night after dinner to ask him for permission to propose to his sister.

They thought that the universe was finally on their side … that they were finally free.

Dr. Carolyn Lam met him as he entered the infirmary. “General O’Neill.”

“Doctor Lam.” He scanned the empty beds around him. “Where is she?”

“Come with me. I’ve got her in an isolation room. She’s doing much better than when she came in, General. She’s breathing on her own, her pressure’s normal, and the damage from the staff weapon wasn’t as extensive as it could have been. I was able to repair most of the damage.”

“Most of the damage?”

She waited until they were outside of Sam’s room to answer his questions and her voice softened as she spoke. “She was shot in the left side just above her hip. There was internal bleeding and I had to remove her spleen, part of her kidney, and also repair damage to her small and large intestines. Once she is fully healed, there shouldn't be any lasting effects but her recovery will be slow and she'll be extremely sore and very uncomfortable for a few weeks. Unfortunately, there was just no other option under the circumstances.”

He nodded in acknowledgement and Carolyn continued.

“As you know, the heat from energy weapons tends to cauterize wounds, so our biggest concern right now is a secondary infection. Currently there is no sign of any such infection, but we have her on a strong broad-spectrum antibiotic along with the pain meds.”

He nodded again and then steeled himself for what he might see as Carolyn opened the door. Despite all that she had just told him and despite the images his imagination had tortured him with since he left D.C., he wasn’t prepared to see her looking so pale and lifeless.

“Has she been conscious yet?”

“No. I’ve had to keep her pretty heavily sedated because of the severity of her burns but she should be coming around in the next 12-16 hours.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll leave you alone for awhile.”

“Carolyn?”

“Yes, General?”

“Thank you.”

She smiled giving him a slight nod before she turned and closed the door.

At first he just stood there, staring at her, watching as she took each breath, slowly trying to convince himself that this was good. She was alive, she was breathing, she’d wake up and everything would be okay. He walked around the bed and sat down in the chair next to her. It hadn’t been an easy road for the two of them, but he thought that they had finally gotten things figured out. He had wanted to hit something, and probably did, when he’d learned that she was being transferred back to the SGC last year. They'd lied to themselves, desperately wanting to believe that she really was only TDY, but they knew that as long as this new threat was out there, with all of her skills and know-how, Sam would be right there with SG-1 in the thick of things.

Grabbing her hand in both of his own, he gently lay his forehead against them. “Dammit Sam.” It was all he managed to say for the next few hours as he sat by her side, images of their time together slowly replaying in his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was a man used to getting answers before his questions were even asked and here he sat with his hands tied.

Jack wasn’t sure what time it was as he awoke in the chair next to Sam’s bed, but judging by the stiffness of his neck, at least a couple of hours must have passed. He let his eyes wander over Sam’s still form as he took a moment to stretch out the kinks. Nothing about her condition appeared to have changed, but when he leaned forward and brushed Sam’s hair away her face, he frowned at the flush in her cheeks and the warmth of her skin.

A nurse was wrapping a cut on Siler's hand when he stepped out into the infirmary a few moments later looking for Carolyn. She paused as she saw him in the doorway. “Did you need something, Sir?”

"Doctor Lam?"

"She's in her office. Would you like me to get her for you?"

"Nah, I'll do it. Thanks."

He gave Siler a nod and then turned to walk across the room. He ran his hands through his short grey hair then shoved them in his pockets as he crossed the tile floor. 

Carolyn was sitting at her desk, making notes in the file that lay open in front of her. He knocked lightly on the doorframe before walking in and sitting down in the chair across from her. Memories of Janet Fraiser flooded his mind and he closed his eyes against them. He'd lost count of all the times he'd spent in this office seeking her solace. He wished she was here now. It wasn’t that he didn't have faith in Carolyn and her abilities, she was a brilliant doctor; but Janet had been like the fifth member of SG-1. She’d gotten them through Sam’s depression after her possession by Jolinar; she was one of the few to see the two of them reveal their true feelings when their hearts were pulled apart by the Zatarc incident; she was there for the fallout of Sam killing Martouf, him killing Sam, and several of Daniel’s deaths. She’d always known how to ease their minds no matter how dire things had seemed. He truly missed her and his heart ached now for the unique comfort she always seemed able to offer him. 

He opened his eyes and looked down at his hands before looking up at Carolyn. He cleared his throat, his voice still slightly husky from sleep. "She has a fever, Carolyn."

Her reply was soft. "I know."

"She still hasn't woken up.”

"I know."

"Ok. So...," he rubbed his hands over his face, "what now?" He tried to stare her down, to be the intimidating General of his reputation, but he just couldn't muster the strength to pull it off. Besides, Carolyn was a military doctor and, like Sam, a general's daughter, so she wasn't easily shaken.

"I know you're worried, General, but low grade fevers are not uncommon after surgery and there's no other signs of infection. We're treating the fever and it seems to be under control.” Her heart went out to him. As helpless as she felt right now, at least she could treat Sam’s symptoms and let it feel like she was doing something. She couldn't imagine the helplessness Jack was feeling. He was a man used to getting answers before his questions were even asked and here he sat with his hands tied. “I'm sorry, General, I know it's not what you want to hear, but all we can do right now is wait."

"Yeah."

"Look, why don't you take a break, Sir. Go get a shower. Grab something to eat. I'll page you right away if anything changes."

He nodded in response and after checking in on Sam again, he reluctantly left the infirmary.

He took his time in the shower, letting the hot water ease some of his tension. Afterward, having changed into a pair of familiar green BDUs he sought out Teal'c on his way to the mess.

He couldn't help himself as he stepped off the elevator on Level 19. He was naturally drawn down the hall toward Carter’s lab. For years it had been their sanctuary when missions were FUBAR or the world turned upside down or seemed to be ending. It was no surprise that he found the rest of SG1 waiting there now.

Teal’c’s voice boomed in the quiet, dimly lit room. “You look like something brought in by a feline, O’Neill.”

“Something the cat dragged in, really? Gee thanks T you know you don’t look so hot yourself.”

Teal’c gave him a nod in reply and asked, “How is Colonel Carter?”

“She’s still unconscious and she’s developed a fever.” Jack shoved his hands into the pockets of his BDUs and rocked back on his heels. “Lam kicked me out, told me to go eat. You wanna come with?”

"I will accompany you, O'Neill."

"Excellent. Mitchell? Vala?"

Cam had been avoiding him like the plague since he'd arrived on base. He could smell the guilt radiating from the young man and knowing what he’d done for Sam while they were in the field, Jack felt the need to try and ease some of his angst.

"Mitchell. Lam tells me you did good out there." His voice caught in his throat once more as he thought about what Sam had gone through on that planet. 

Cam looked up at him."Thank you, Sir." He nodded in response adding, "I did everything I could, General, I just wish we could've gotten her back here sooner."

"Yes, well, you did get her back," he cleared his throat, "and you were able to save the village so there’s that."

"Yes, Sir."

Jack turned to leave, throwing his “order” over his shoulder as he walked out of the room. “C’mon, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

They’d been sitting in the commissary for nearly an hour when they heard the page. The entire base was waiting for word on Colonel Carter’s condition and everyone in the room looked at them expectantly as the five of them sprang out of their chairs and out the doors. It only took them a few minutes to find Dr. Lam where she stood outside of Sam’s room. She wasn’t at all surprised to see SG-1 walk in with the general. 

“I need a moment with General O’Neill.” She raised her hand, stifling the protests from Sam’s team. “I will fill the rest of you in after I’ve had a chance to speak with him in private.”

The team took her dismissal in stride, settling themselves against the wall of the corridor as they watched the two of them disappear into Sam’s room. They knew they would get the full story soon enough and being closer to Sam made them feel slightly better than when they’d huddled together elsewhere for comfort.

Carolyn saw the disappointment on Jack’s face as they entered Sam’s room. “She’s still unconscious.” His words were flat and emotionless, as he once again let his gaze rest on Sam’s still form. “I was hoping...” His voice trailed off as he looked the younger woman in the eye.

“Her fever has spiked and her breathing has become labored. Her wound is clean and shows no outward sign of infection, but I’ve sent some blood to the lab. As you know, her unique blood chemistry often makes treatment a challenge. We’re trying something else for the fever and depending on the results of her blood tests, I can alter the course of antibiotics as needed. We’ll keep watching her closely. I’ve rushed the lab results so we should know something more in the next couple of hours.”

“Why did you want to see me alone, Carolyn? All of this is stuff the team could’ve heard.”

The doctor looked down at her shoes.

“You’re holding something back. What is it? What aren’t you telling me?” 

She took a deep breath before looking up at the frightened man who stood before her. “You are listed as Colonel Carter’s next of kin.”

Jack nodded.

“I know from previous medical records that you are aware of her health care wishes. In fact, you’ve held her durable power of attorney for health care since before you ...”

“Yeah, I’ve had it for a while. Too much happens in this job, you know.”

“You also know that she has a living will with a DNR order on file?” 

He nodded bleakly as she continued. He knew what she was about to say and he didn’t want her to say it. Saying it out loud, hearing it said, made it real and right now he didn’t want real, he wanted the fairytale. He wanted to walk over and kiss Sleeping Beauty and watch her magically awaken, whole and unharmed through the power of true love’s kiss.

He should’ve known by now that this life offered no such happily ever afters.

“She was very specific about the terms of her DNR. Sir, if her condition worsens, there’s not a lot that I can do beyond her current course of treatment. I can give her oxygen and stimulants to help her lungs but if her breathing worsens, I cannot intubate. In my experience, patients are not always upfront with their families about their healthcare wishes. I wanted to talk to you alone because I didn’t want to work on the assumption that you knew about all of this and I didn’t want it to come as a surprise to you if for some reason, you didn’t.”

“Thanks, Doc. I appreciate that.” He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “You can let them in now. And don’t worry, I’ll give them the news. Like you said, no surprises.”

She opened the door and beckoned the team inside. "If you don't need anything else at the moment, General, I'll just go check on those lab results."

He nodded taking back his seat next to Sam’s side. He picked up her hand in one of his and let the other brush over her forehead and down her cheek. Her pale face was still flush with fever, the skin of her cheek too warm under the caress of his hand.

SG-1 entered the room and tentatively approached Sam’s bed, Vala and Cam hanging back, allowing Teal’c to have a more intimate moment with his friend. 

“O’Neill?”

“It’s not good, T.” He stared down at Sam’s pale hand laying in his unable to look his friend in the eye. There’d always been a special something between Teal’c and Sam. A something that Jack had envied and had made him irrationally jealous throughout the years. He’d teased her once about how if he didn’t know better, he’d have thought he’d have to worry about her and the big guy. Seeing them together, you could see that their friendship was a close one, but it was off world, when that closeness edged on something more. He’d often eavesdropped on the ends of their late-night fireside conversations as they traded watch. He never really listened to what was being said with great detail, it was their demeanor that he observed and that had intrigued him most. Sam seemed to be the only human around whom Teal’c truly let down his defenses. He and T were close, but there was an honesty between Teal’c and Sam that he truly admired, even envied. Teal’c’s wisdom and Sam’s knowledge often combined to save their butts when trapped in seemingly impossible situations. But, on those nights around the fire, they both seemed to have found a true bosom friend, a soulmate, someone with whom they could be open and honest in a way that they couldn’t with others. Someone, who would never judge them no matter their position on the side of an argument or their state of mind when things were out of their control. They were family in the truest sense. Teal’c would lay down his life for her without hesitation and she would fight for him at all costs. 

He looked to Teal’c now for the guidance he needed but Teal’c’s eyes bore something Jack could not quite decipher. There was fear there, but also something akin to complacency or contentment. Teal’c locked him in his gaze and then bowed his head. No, what he saw was acceptance. 

Jack’s heart fell.

He rubbed circles across the back of Sam’s hand and turned his gaze to her once more.

“General?”

Mitchell’s soft question pulled him from his revelry. His eyes burned as he finally looked up and dismally repeated, “It’s not good.” 

And it wasn’t fair. Orders, duty, honor, the damned rules imposed by the Air Force and their military careers constantly interfering, forcing them to pretend that their feelings were inconsequential in the battle to save the planet. Everything they’d been through together, everything they’d sacrificed in order to finally have their time together, and now this. They didn’t deserve this. 

“She hasn’t woken up. She has a fever. Lam thinks she has some kind of secondary infection from the staff burns but she’s waiting for the bloodwork to come back to be certain.” 

They could hear the defeat in his voice.

“Carolyn told you about the DNR, didn’t she?”

Jack looked up at him confused. “How did you…?”

“Sam and I talked about it awhile back when I asked her to help me with mine. She said she wanted the doctors to know her wishes because she didn’t want anyone she loved to have to make any of the decisions. She said she could never rest peacefully if she knew that her family was tortured by the guilt of having to decide her fate.”

“Samantha Carter loves you O’Neill.”

Tealc’s voice was but a whisper and it was Jack’s undoing. His head fell to the bed next to their clasped hands.

Teal’c remained at the end of Sam’s bed, hands behind his back stoically standing guard over his dear friends. Standing at the other side of the bed, Vala turned into Mitchell’s arms, unable to watch as the General grieved over the woman he loved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’d stolen his heart, stopped it on occasion, and broken it more than once. But it was hers, his heart was completely hers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: My apologies for making you wait, that was not my intention. I had hoped to post this chapter a week ago but RL has been a little crazy and when I reread this chapter, I found that it needed some editing. Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to review or send me messages, I greatly appreciate it. And now, read on…

At some point, they all migrated to other parts of the room and resumed their solemn watch over their friend; taking turns feigning sleep, they waited for word from Dr. Lam or for some obvious outward sign that Sam’s condition was improving. 

But a good sign was not what they received when a little after 0600 the next morning the alarms next to her bed began to sound and the medical staff rushed in. Sam’s pulse ox showed a drop in her SPO2 and her breathing had become persistently labored.

Carolyn came in to assess the situation and to adjust her orders for treatment. An oxygen mask was placed over Sam’s nose and mouth to help increase her oxygen intake, her medications were adjusted and Carolyn ordered a blood gas panel to accurately determine how much oxygen Sam was getting compared to the equipment readings. 

Carolyn took a deep breath and turned to face Sam’s family. “Her pulse is elevated and she still has a slight fever, but the biggest concern right now is that the oxygen level in her blood seems to be dropping and we don’t know why. Post-op pneumonia is a common cause, but I’m not seeing any other signs of that. There’s a number of other things could account for the drop we’re seeing which is why I ordered another blood panel. We’ll continue to treat her infection and administer oxygen but there’s not much else I can do until we are able to determine what is causing the infection in the first place.” Carolyn looked at Jack with extreme sympathy. “I’m sorry.” 

She hadn’t known these people very long, but she’d learned a lot about loyalty in her short time at the SGC and she knew firsthand that SG-1 in particular had a very close bond. The fact that Jack O’Neill and Samantha Carter had been teammates for 8 years spoke volumes of the trust and respect they’d developed during that time. But few people aside from those keeping vigil in this room knew of their true feelings for one another or the fact that almost two years before they’d gotten married at Jack’s cabin in Minnesota. Carolyn couldn’t imagine what Jack O’Neill was going through as she and her team struggled to figure out what was wrong with his wife.

Twice during the night Sam’s blood pressure dropped. Carolyn had found nothing in Sam’s blood tests to explain the abnormal blood oxygen levels nor was she any closer to finding the cause of Sam’s current condition. There was nothing her husband and her friends could do but watch and pray as the medical team tried to stabilize her condition. 

Several hours passed in silence and the team’s anxiety continued to grow. 

“General?” Vala’s usually boisterous voice was but a whisper as she approached Jack’s side.

He looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes and her voice trembled. “I’m so sorry.”

There was something about Vala that Jack had always liked. Sure he thought that most of the time she was a loud-mouthed, obnoxious flake, but he admired her tenacity and her candor. He also knew that Sam had grown to care for her. She was one of the few people that Sam could talk to about her experience with Jolinar who was not just sympathetic, but truly understood what it was like to relive that nightmare. Knowing this, Jack found that it was easy to forgive a little of Vala’s crazy.

“For what?” His voice was rough with his reply.

A tear trailed down her cheek as Vala replied. “I never should have pushed. I’m the one who told General Landry that making the changes to Merlin's device and helping the village hide from the Ori was no problem. See, I thought Sam was being modest about it, holding back because she didn’t want to gloat over her success with the device. She does that you know? She’s so amazingly brilliant sometimes...” She swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. “I really thought that was all she was doing, holding back. I thought she just needed a show of confidence.”

Jack reached up and took her hand. “Vala. You did not do this. It didn’t matter that the device wasn’t ready or that Sam wasn’t ready, the powers that be were chomping at the bit to test the limits of that thing. If anyone is to blame, it’s me.”

“What do you mean?” Cam inquired from the other side of the bed.

“The Powers That Be. That’s me now, Mitchell. The order came across my desk and I passed it off instead of handling it myself. Sam told me she was apprehensive about how the device would function on such a large scale and I didn’t want to be the one to order her to do something she had doubts about, so I passed it off instead of backing her up.”

No one knew what to say as they watched the tortured expression that crossed Jack’s face. 

“You know Sam better than anyone, sir. She does her homework, hell she does everyone’s homework before she makes any decisions, especially before she questions her assignments. Then she does what is good and what is right, if she can, but ultimately, she follows orders. She did what she could to make sure the device would work on the scale we needed it to work on and things didn’t go according to plan. No one could have known that this would happen.” 

“No? How many times has anything gone according to plan around here, huh?” He scrubbed his face with his hands and let out a frustrated sigh. 

“They never would have let you stop this, Jack, you know that.” They all turned at the sound of Hank Landry’s voice. He’d heard the tail end of Jack’s self-flagellation as he’d quietly entered the room. There’d been a lot of talk amongst the higher ups when the truth of Jack and Sam’s relationship came out and more than a few naysayers had spoken their mind about how Jack was going to run things with her at the head of a frontline team. He’d surprised most of them with his impartiality when it came to big decisions like the one that sent SG-1 to P9C-882. “Finding out if Merlin’s device could be used on a bigger scale was too important to the IOA. They’d have overruled your decision if you’d scrapped the mission and told you that you were too close to the situation. They’d have finally been able to point their fingers at you for giving Colonel Carter special treatment. No one here is to blame, Jack. You did what you knew you had to do. Sam did what she was ordered to do. Things went wrong and she got hurt. Stop trying to blame yourself for something you couldn’t control.”

Jack knew that Hank was right, but that didn’t assuage any of his guilt as he looked at his wife fighting for her life in the bed next to him. Teal’c and Daniel had had their fair share of close calls over the years and as their friend and leader of their team, he’d sat vigil next to each of them in turn. But with Carter it had always been different, harder to separate professional and personal. Though the closeness of their team allowed for some outward signs of affection, they’d always played their cards close to their chests and rarely let themselves drop their guard around others. Sure, there had been times when it couldn’t be helped...like when they were both desperately trying to hold it together after Janet’s death and they couldn’t help but find some solace in one another. But overall, they’d been able to control what the outside world might exploit or misinterpret as either of them caring about the other more than they were supposed to. In fact, in some ways since their relationship became public knowledge, it had become even harder for them to express their feelings in front of others. People seemed to now expect to see them openly affectionate, but they’d kept a low profile knowing that now that things were out in the open, people still could misconstrue their relationship, citing favoritism or special treatment.

When Walter paged Hank about an issue in the gateroom, he took the rest of SG-1 with him to check on the problem. Jack was grateful for the time alone with his thoughts. He stood and paced around Sam’s room stretching the stiffness from his knees. He’d lost track of time here in the mountain, something that had always been so easy to do underground. In some ways, he preferred it to the windows of his Washington office. Knowing that you were wasting a beautiful day indoors inundated by paperwork and red tape was harder to stomach than being confined underground with no way of knowing what things were like topside. It was easier to stay focused on the task at hand, or disaster of the day, without those distractions. So, when General Hammond called to check on Sam’s condition, he was surprised to learn that he’d been in Colorado for nearly four days.

Four days with no sign that Sam was any closer to waking, no sign that she was coming back to him. 

“Jack?” George was saying his name as though it wasn’t the first time and he was trying to get his attention.

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat, “sorry. You were saying, Sir?”

“I was saying, Jack, that I want you to continue to take all the time you need. I have things under control here. Your orders are to take care of Sam.”

“Thank you, George. I appreciate that.” 

Jack knew the way George felt about his wife. He’d been good friends with Sam’s father and had known her all her life. To say she was like a daughter to him was an understatement. When they’d called him about the wedding, he’d even flown to Minnesota on a moment’s notice just to give her away. Sam’s eyes had glistened with tears when she’d thanked him for coming and he’d said he was sorry to have to be there in Jacob’s place. It was a bittersweet moment for all of them.

As much a member of their family as Daniel and Teal’c, George had watched for years as the two of them struggled with their military honor and obligations and their inescapable emotions while serving together on SG-1. And it was Hammond who had fought for their current assignments to remain unchanged once the nature of their relationship was revealed to the President and the other Powers That Be.

“Let me know if there’s any change in her condition.”

“Yes sir, I will.”

“And take care of yourself, Jack.”

“You too, sir.” 

He hung up the phone with a sigh and tossed it on the nightstand next to the bed Carolyn had had brought in for him. He didn’t even bother removing his boots before climbing into bed exhausted. He lay there for a moment then turned to face his wife. She’d stolen his heart, stopped it on occasion, and broken it more than once. But it was hers, his heart was completely hers. She could make his palms sweat like he was on a first date and steal the wind from his lungs just by walking into a room. Even now, in an unconscious sleep, all he had to do was look at her and his heart skipped a beat and his world turned on end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: SP02 = saturation of peripheral oxygen. Measured by a pulse oximeter (that little thing they clip on your finger that has the red light), SP02 readings are an estimate of the level of oxygen saturation in your blood. A normal person’s pulse ox reading would be between 94 and 99.


	4. Chapter 4

_A warm summer breeze blew through the trees as they lay at the end of the dock. Feet dangling into the warm water, they took turns guessing which of the stars they could see in the sky above the pond and the woods surrounding the cabin were stars they had been to together._

_“It’s your turn.” Sam nudged him playfully with her shoulder._

_“Hmmm?” Was all the reply she received and she looked over to find him staring at her._

_“What?”_

_Jack reached over, lacing his hand through Sam’s silky, blonde hair pulling her closer. Their lips touched softly and he heard her whisper his name._

_“Jack.”_

His eyes flew open at the sound of his name on her lips. He let them close again as he realized he had been dreaming, her voice echoing in his mind.

“Jack?”

He heard it again and was off his bed and by her side so fast that his brain barely registered what was happening.

“Jack?”

He grabbed her hand between both of his and smiled down at her. “I’m here, Sam.” She smiled up at him and let her heavy eyes drift closed once again.

Jack let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and leaned down to kiss her forehead before laying her hand gently back down on the bed. He hated to walk away for even just a moment now that he knew she’d been conscious, but he wanted to get the news to Carolyn as soon as possible. Stepping out into the hallway, Jack nearly ran into a limping Sgt. Siler and couldn’t help but grin. He found Carolyn in her office going over Sam’s latest blood work. She looked up to see him smiling at her from the doorway.

“General?”

“She woke up Carolyn. She’s asleep again now, but she woke up, and she spoke.”

He was beaming and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. She’d been about to tell him that Sam’s blood work was inconclusive and she was at a loss as to what to do next. She inwardly sighed in relief. “Well, let’s go have a look at her shall we?”

He practically skipped down the hall behind her as they headed for Sam’s room. She paused outside the door and turned to face him with a serious expression. “Sir, I’m not saying that this isn’t a good thing. And I don’t want to ruin this cloud nine feeling, but we…”

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he cut her off. “I know Carolyn. This isn’t my first rodeo. After the last few days, I can’t help my optimism at seeing her awake, but I know this is gonna be a long road and I won’t count my chickens before they hatch. But, she was awake and I have to believe right now that that means that she is going to be okay.”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Okay. As long as we’re clear.”

It took her a few minutes to check Sam’s vitals and Jack found himself holding his breath once again as she made notations in Sam’s chart with her doctor’s face firmly in place. When she had finished her notes, she put the chart on the table beside the bed before taking her penlight from her pocket. She leaned over to check the reactions of Sam’s pupils and when Sam flinched away from the light, Carolyn turned to Jack and smiled. “Colonel?”

Sam turned her head back toward Carolyn’s voice and tentatively opened her eyes. “Yeah.”

Carolyn smiled again as Sam caught Jack’s eye behind her. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

Carolyn took a step back from the bed and cleared her throat. “It’s good to have you back with us Sam. I’ll need to run a few more tests, but for now, I’ll let you and your husband have a little time alone. If you don’t mind, I’ll go ahead and let SG-1 know the good news.”

“Do you think you could wait a few minutes before telling them, Doc?” Jack raised an eyebrow at her.

“Not a problem, Sir. I have some paperwork to finish and,” she winked at Sam, “some tests to order. Should take me at least twenty minutes to sort things out.”

Jack grabbed the chair by the bed and pulled it closer before sitting down. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Sam’s. They sat in silence, locked in each other’s gaze for several moments. They’d never had much use for words when it came to serious situations. Somewhere between guarding their feelings and keeping things professional, they’d developed their own non-verbal communication. There were the small touches as they sat next to one another or exchanged paperwork, brushing past one another or walking together just close enough to be just a little too close, but it was the things that they could say with their eyes that always betrayed their true feelings.

So much was said in this moment. Jack could see the guilt, remorse, and fear she held over what had happened on P9C-882, as well as her sorrow over putting him through the emotional ringer. But, God what deep abiding love she held in her heart for him. A love he felt he never deserved but truly cherished. A love he could clearly see reflecting back at him from her gorgeous blue eyes.

Sam kept her eyes focused on the warmth in Jack’s chocolatey gaze. All of his fear and uncertainty poured over her and she inwardly rebuked herself for causing him such pain. With her wedding vows she’d sworn to herself that she would never do this to him. He’d already sacrificed so much in his life. But she’d known better than to make promises she couldn’t keep, especially with SG-1’s reputation for missions going balls up. She mentally kicked herself thinking she should have been more careful. She should have been more adamant about delaying the large scale test of Merlin’s device. She knew she hadn’t been 100 percent certain she could pull it off but had been pushed to prove once again that she could do what was asked of her. God, if Cameron hadn’t been there, she knew she wouldn’t be lying here staring into the eyes of the man she loved.

“Stop it Carter, this wasn’t your fault.”

**********

True to her word, Carolyn waited until she’d finished her review of Sam’s blood work and ordered the tests she’d need in order to downgrade Sam’s condition and move her out of isolation before she sought out Teal’c, Cam, and Vala.

Their barrage of questions delayed their arrival in Sam’s room even longer. So, when when their faces finally appeared in the doorway, Jack mouthed a “Thank You,” as he caught the doctor’s eye.

Like countless other times in the past, SG-1 gathered themselves around the bed of their injured comrade. Sam thanked Cam for his quick thinking and for keeping her alive in the field, she eased Vala’s guilt for adding to the pressure for Sam to make Merlin’s device work to hide the village and the villagers, and she made sure Teal’c knew that he had not failed her as he had a habit of blaming himself when anyone on SG-1 was wounded on a mission.

Jack fell back and watched the team interact with a pang of jealousy. God how he wished he could still be a part of that. Though he knew his current role in Washington was important, this was his home. And it was more than just Sam that made him feel that way. As cliche as it sounded, he’d found himself under this mountain, rediscovered something that’d been missing after the death of his son and the collapse of his marriage. Though initially it was Daniel who convinced him to keep on living, his years on SG-1 and the relationships he’d built with Daniel, Teal’c, and especially Samantha Carter had kept him _alive_.

Sam caught his eye and brought him out of his reverie. Once again, with just a glance he knew what to do.

“Okay guys and gal, my wife needs rest. Hit the commissary and I’ll join you for breakfast? Lunch? Help me out T?”

“It is almost midday O’Neill.” Teal’c obliged.

“Lunch it is then. I’ll join you in a bit, now scoot.” He shooed them out of the the room and reclaimed his place at Sam’s side.

She smiled at him sleepily. “Thanks.”

“Think nothing of it. Now I want you to close your pretty eyes and at least try to pretend to rest before Carolyn gets in here to poke and prod you some more.”

The corners of her mouth lifted in another grin. “Yessir.” She yawned. “I don’t think it’s going to be a problem.”

He reached down, grabbed her hand and lifted it briefly to his lips before resting it against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat against her palm. “I missed you,” she sighed.

“You know Carter, you could have just called if you’d wanted to see me so badly. No need to go and get shot.”

“I’ll remember that next time.” She smiled at him and let her eyes fall closed. “I’m sorry, Jack”

“Hey, I said it before and I’ll say it again, this was not your fault, Sam.”

She opened her eyes again, “Wasn’t yours either.” With a moan she scooted herself over to the edge of her bed. “C’mere.”

Jack smirked in response. “I never was one to turn down an invitation to bed from a hot blonde.”

Sam tried not to giggle as he carefully climbed into the bed beside her. He helped her try to get comfortable and she managed to get herself snuggled up against his chest mindful of all of her tubes and wires. Jack wrapped his arm snugly around her and sank back onto the pillows with a sigh. He lay his head upon her own and whispered into her hair, “I love you Samantha Carter. I really hope you know that.” Only when he could hear Sam’s breathing slow and even, only when he knew she was asleep and safe in his arms did he finally let himself fully relax. And, as he drifted off to sleep himself, he smiled as he heard her softly whisper, “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and thank you to those who left comments and kudos! This is the first story I've written in a long while and I am overwhelmed by the response. XOXO


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